2017-2018 has been a very challenging period,
I mean, I struggled with anorexia nervosa and I was getting the shadow of myself.
I had my habits and the illusion to be able to be empowered by my own reflection in everything that can reflect the shapes of my body, my face, my cheekbones.
But the storms broke my inner consciousness, and I fell so low, breaking my heart and my family and friends ; it was worthy, in a way, and I do feel strong enough now to do what I wanna do, and the one I’ve always dreamt to be.
In two months, my body changed really fast, that emotion when you see your body changing, growing, is unbelievable and I have to admit that it is sometimes quite disturbing on my mind to realize I became a surely different person the past few months.
But I don’t wanna change anymore,
Sometimes it is hard at night to look at the mirror but I am alive and enjoying a tasteful life now,
I don’t care about how do I look as long as I look healthy and sane, alive.
Starving puts you in an overwhelming mood, often negative, you’re tired and even if you’re achieving your goals your body cries so fucking much from the lack of energy. You’re dying inside and your brain is trying to catch everything that he can, you’re turning blue and close the gates, staying in your bed for hours and hours.
I don’t want this life anymore.
I let down all my weapons and adversity towards sick skinniness, I do feel now legit to be a man with a manly body, with muscles and cheat food sometimes.
The idea of being delighted by flavours and spices, textures and memories, or just a lil junk food on the side, that’s life and I love the way it is rolling on.
You can recover from eating disorders on your own, with love around you, challenges, moving things and people, spontaneous moments and a rage that you know the reasons why you’re living and fighting for ; that is priceless.
Do sport, shout your life out, run, sing, laugh ; everything starts from a simple smile or the idea of it!
Your body is the reflection of how your soul is doing, mine is quite well, wild and free – and nothing can change that fact anymore, with a few beautiful little pounds.