‘Solitude is always calling me on when I’m surrounded by human-beings, but when I’m alone at home I wish I could party hard with friends.’
Paradoxal situation but true and a very familiar one to me.
I grew up as a kinda talkative and curious, unafraid child. But the more the time flies, the more I do feel that solitude is needed – but what are the limits to stay a normally social person ? How to stay socially aware though ?
If it is inner in your personality to feel often nostalgic, sensitive, stop thinking you’re too much, a fragile weirdo for others and nothing good can happen to you, because of usual disappointment from people that you let come in your life and deceived you and broke your ego. They don’t know what they miss.
Easy. The evident solution is to stay home, feeling secure and far away from the overcrowded streets, the tube, the heat, and simply breathing and standing in society, with this indicible fear of emotions that you would not probably be able to control in public, and come the moment when you feel the vital need to be alone – yes, to be alone.
But it is a vicious way of life, because watching ‘normal’ people going out is getting harder for you, you feel like empty, looking at the bright sun glowing up, doing nothing and wandering in your unsaturated brain. And you feel like s*.
Am I that savage ? Am I suffering from agoraphobia ? Am I that lazy it is almost sick ? It is quite normal to ask yourself that kind of questions.
But thanks to someone who’s very precious to me in my ‘on-my-own-made’ family, my big and wise big sis, I’ve finally opened my eyes and mind and – thanks God! – she helped me to understand why this behavior is so addictive and stands for an useless and vicious circle.
Even if you’re sensitive, a daydreamer like me, you don’t have to
feel guilty for being who you are : someone with empathy for others. Turn it into an introspective force. You’re not mentally sick, you just have to learn how to control and use lonely moments in a clever and positive way.
It’s human to be hungry for loneliness sometimes, but the real life is just there around you, outside. Solitude is obviously bad to you if you’re living this way everyday and giving up everything around.
As I am forcing myself to go out, see friends, walk the crowded and joyful streets, sit on a bench in the Palais Royal gardens, with a fresh litchi-rose bubble-tea, a comforting matcha latte, while enjoying life and above all being in good company. Even if it’s hard, shake your laziness out and put your shoes for a surprising day. You think you’ve seen and lived everything and your life is dull as a still frozen lake, you are f* wrong! I realized how worthy it is to move my ass up and make at least one serious and fulfilling accomplishement a day. That’s the real life.
Well, you can do both and find a perfect balanced solitude in your daily life if you’re doing activities and hobbies all day long, things and gigs you really love, with people that you know or not!
Life is an unexpected gifted experience, and you can’t deal with it, accept it or give up everything playing to Russian roulette like a selfish guy. But it is easy to find happiness somehow, and it leads to serenity for the first time in forever, it is just a matter of time and trained confidence.
And you, what are your tips and mottos to stay focused on meeting and sharing moments with others, to take care of your social life ?